This morning J allowed me a bit of extra sleep. I came downstairs to find Kanye West playing loud and Luca dancing, sitting on the floor wiggling his body and his hands, and spinning round in circles as a result . .it was a very funny sight.

It's a week since Calum returned home, and I miss him. I think Luca brings the little Calum to mind the bigger he gets. I am not happy in my life at the moment. I don't feel myself, and I feel Judith's presence in everything I do. Not a benevalent presencce, but a critical intrusive one.

I will seem more of Cal this year, and other resoltions are to quit smoking, drink a lot less, excercise (mainly cycling to work), Get jobs in the house out of the way on a schedule which suits me, but avoids arguments, sort out my finances, and be happier , even if it means leaving.